accept me for who i am.

(via m0rtality)

sketchypotato:

pancakestein:

CANT FREAKING BREATHE

what… the fuck

(via inebriated-conjectures)

hispunk182:

kyssthis16:

seeyouintee:

brassparker:

blacknerdjade:

life-is-derptastic:

loxafilly:

metasepia:

captaincrobat:

PLAYER 3 HAS JOINED THE GAME

me

KAJSGDKHSKGHASD

ROFL I CAN’T

Damn it, Bolded! I was drinking! Damn near choked to death!

OMFG LMAOOO

carried a BB gun with me to the laundromat today at 1am just to be safe. never know what’ll happen. it was the best/worst feeling ever.
on that note, I’m going to bed. I have work in the morning.

I wish you would actually think before speaking. because there’s a whole lot of just careless words running out of your mouth. and then I have to listen to how you’re sorry later. please think about how you’re acting compared to the actual situation. there’s an entire summer. asking me to go to the park after you’re at my house and then asking if I wanted to hang out the day before is not several times. and even if it is several times, I don’t think you understand that you’re going to be here for a couple of months. just because I say no or something happened that I can’t does not mean you have to blow me the hell off completely. there is so much time left. the world isn’t ending or something.

livinglovinoloca:

fr3aksh0ww:

NO.
YOU’RE WRONG.
DON’T TRY TO CORRECT ME YOU ILLITERATE MACHINE.

No, it wants you to spell the right way

THE AMERICAN WAY

(via inebriated-conjectures)

setbabiesonfire:

Olivia Wilde

have my children

(via fuckinsupernova)

ispycleanimports:

basedxdestin:

zombieinmybutt:

just-laugh-a-littlee:

loveisthemelodyx:

ex0ticl0v3:

Everyone should start carrying $2 bills!

I’m STILL laughing!!

I think we need to quit saving our $2 bills and bring them out in public.

The younger generation doesn’t even know they exist! 


STORY:

On my way home from work, I stopped at Taco Bell for a quick bite to eat. 

I have a $50 bill and a $2 bill. I figure with the $2 bill, I can get something to eat and not have to worry about irritating anyone for trying to break a $50 bill. 

Me: ‘Hi, I’d like one seven-layer burrito please, to go.’ Server: ‘That’ll be $1.04. Eat in?’ 
Me: ‘No, it’s to go.’ At this point, I open my billfold and hand him the $2 bill. He looks at it kind of funny. 
Server: ‘Uh, hang on a sec, I’ll be right back.’ He goes to talk to his manager, who is still within my earshot.

The following conversation occurs between the two of them:

Server: ‘Hey, you ever see a $2 bill?’ 
Manager: ‘No. A what?’ 
Server: ‘A $2 bill. This guy just gave it to me…’ 
Manager: ‘Ask for something else. There’s no such thing as a $2 bill.’ 
Server: ‘Yeah, thought so.’ 

He comes back to me and says, ‘We don’t take these.

Do you have anything else?’ 

Me: ‘Just this fifty. You don’t take $2 bills? Why? 
Server: ‘I don’t know.’ 
Me: ‘See here where it says legal tender?’ 
Server: ‘Yeah.’ 
Me: ‘So, why won’t you take it?’ 
Server: ‘Well, hang on a sec.’ 

He goes back to his manager, who has been watching me like I’m a shoplifter, and says to him, ‘He says I have to take it.’

Manager: ‘Doesn’t he have anything else?’ 
Server: ‘Yeah, a fifty. I’ll get it and you can open the safe and get change. 
Manager: ‘I’m not opening the safe with him in here.’ 
Server: ‘What should I do?’ 
Manager: ‘Tell him to come back later when he has real money.’ 
Server: ‘I can’t tell him that! You tell him.’ 
Manager: ‘Just tell him.’ 
Server: ‘No way! This is weird. I’m going in back. 

The manager approaches me and says, ‘I’m sorry, but we don’t take big bills this time of night.’

Me: ‘It’s only seven o’clock! Well then, here’s a two dollar bill.’ 
Manager: ‘We don’t take those, either.’ 
Me: ‘Why not?’ 
Manager: ‘I think you know why.’ 
Me: ‘No really, tell me why.’ 
Manager ‘Please leave before I call mall security.’ 
Me: ‘Excuse me?’ 
Manager: ‘Please leave before I call mall security.’ 
Me: ‘What on earth for?’ 
Manager: ‘Please, sir..’ 
Me: ‘Uh, go ahead, call them.’ 
Manager: ‘Would you please just leave?’ 
Me: ‘No.’ 
Manager: ‘Fine — have it your way then.’ 
Me: ‘Hey, that’s Burger King, isn’t it?’ 

At this point, he backs away from me and calls mall security on the phone around the corner. I have two people staring at me from the dining area, and I begin laughing out loud, just for effect.

A few minutes later this 45-year-oldish guy comes in. 

Guard: ‘Yeah, Mike, what’s up?’ 
Manager (whispering): ‘This guy is trying to give me some (pause) funny money.’ 
Guard: ‘No kidding! What?’ 
Manager: ‘Get this. A two dollar bill.’ 
Guard (incredulous): ‘Why would a guy fake a two dollar bill?’ 
Manager: ‘I don’t know. He’s kinda weird. He says the only other thing he has is a fifty.’ 
Guard: ‘Oh, so the fifty’s fake!’ 
Manager: ‘No, the two dollar bill is.’ 
Guard: ‘Why would he fake a two dollar bill?’ 
Manager : ‘I don’t know! Can you talk to him, and get him out of here?’ 
Guard: ‘Yeah.’


Security Guard walks over to me and……

Guard: ‘Mike here tells me you have some fake bills you’re trying to use.’ 
Me: ‘Uh, no.’ 
Guard: ‘Lemme see ‘em.’ 
Me: ‘Why?’ 
Guard: ‘Do you want me to get the cops in here?’ 

At this point I’m ready to say, ‘Sure, please!’ but I want to eat, so I say, ‘I’m just trying to buy a burrito and pay for it with this two dollar bill. I put the bill up near his face, and he flinches like I’m taking a swing at him. He takes the bill turns it over a few times in his hands, and he says, 

Guard: ‘Hey, Mike, what’s wrong with this bill?’ 
Manager: ‘It’s fake.’ 
Guard: ‘It doesn’t look fake to me.’ 
Manager: ‘But it’s a two dollar bill.’ 
Guard: ‘Yeah? ‘ 
Manager: ‘Well, there’s no such thing, is there?’ 

The security guard and I both look at him like he’s an idiot and it dawns on the guy that he has no clue and is an idiot. So, it turns out that my burrito was free, and he threw in a small drink and some of those cinnamon thingies, too.


Made me want to get a whole stack of two dollar bills just to see what happens when I try to buy stuff. 

Well what do you expect, he’s manager at a Taco Bell. I wouldn’t expect him to be too bright..

dummiesss

(via theoneofme)

(via theselovelylittlelies)

barackfuckingobama:

zeldea:

why cant americans just use celsius it’s so much easier to spell than feiehreirheineiheit

do you mean degrees of FREEDOM

(via captain-jmorgan)

(via alexuo)

alphashanewalsh:

Yep. Tha’s me.

The Walking Dead » Zombie Kills
↳ Escaping from the CDC ~ TS-19 (S01E06)

(via andrewclutterbucklincoln)